I am very knowledgeable on the subjects of health and fitness (I’m not claiming I know everything). I simply do not always apply my knowledge to my health and my body. I’m foolishly placing size over health on my scale of importance. I simply have forgotten how great it feels to be healthy so I do not always understand the benefits of reward. I only know the disgusting feeling I have with my current self. I convince myself that not being overweight (no matter how I get there) is healthier than where I am at today.
When it comes to eating I struggle with maintaining a balance in my diet. I either find I’m out of control and putting in way too many calories, carbs and fat into my system or I am so concerned about my diet I am not consuming nearly enough calories.
Not eating enough can cause stagnation in your weight loss. The majority of us know this. Our body stores the calories because it turns into starvation mode. That being a reasonable explanation and I accept this to be fact (it is fact). Even though I understand concept I still struggle to eat more even when my calorie intake is extremely lower than recommended. I fear eating will make me gain on the scale. I convince myself that since 3,500 calories equal a pound I simply need to reduce my calories. I tell myself this is okay because I am not hungry. I make excuses.
In high school I viewed myself as average weight but wanted to be considered thin (looking back now I was THIN – hell I was a size zero to two). I ran cross country and was surrounded by rail thin girls. I was short but always have chunkier (though muscular) thighs compared to the rest of my body. I wanted those ultra thin long runner’s legs.
I struggled with eating then too. I didn’t have the average cross country runner body so I was embarrassed to eat in front of my peers. I’d feel embarrassed about eating but not guilty. So eating was an issue when eating in front everyone outside of my immediate family. I was never a breakfast person so I would not eat breakfast (nor would I allow myself enough time in the am even if I wanted breakfast) During lunch I was surrounded by my peers so I could not eat lunch. School would end and it would be time for practice and I’d go run 5-6 miles. I’d come home and generally gorge on whatever my mom made for dinner.
I went to college and got over my fears of eating in front of people and stopped running and working out and gained 40 pounds. After college I would yo-yo and topped out at 173 this summer. Now I am finally determined in taking my weight loss journey seriously I am struggling, once again, with consuming enough food.
I have yet to ever find the correct balance in my life.
If anyone who shared similar struggles I’m open to any and all suggestions.
Please leave a comment below or e-mail me at
hungrylittlehippo@gmail.com
Although I do not own one myself whenever I visit my parents the first thing I do, no matter the time of the day is make myself a cup of coffee from their Keurig. Not only is it fast and convenient it seriously brews the PERFECT cup of coffee each and every time, both in temperature and in strength. Never the bitter burnt flavor you get with cheaper coffee machines. 
